I recorded the “life after college video” about two months ago and since then I’ve been trying my best to figure my way out of the weeds. (I recorded a recent video “finding your passion” As of recently, I’ve felt 100x better and went through a bunch of self realization to understand why. I was working at my job and the more I worked there, the more I realized that I was unhappy. At first I placed blame on the workings of the company and thought it was because of the logistics of how it ran. I then realized that I was genuinely beginning to resent going and I noticed that the actual change that really occurred was from me, not my job or company. I started to analyze what I had been feeling and it took for me to take a step back and decide if I wanted to further my career in this field or turn around and start over. Which was one of my biggest fears. I kept thinking that because I had spent so much time working up to this point, it would all become a waste if I turned my back on it. I’m 25 and the thought that I need to buckle down and just pick something to commit to. But the longer I waited, the more and more resentment I had built up and the long drives to clients, the time spent with each individual felt like a huge waste of time. I knew I was so unhappy and I just needed to get out.
At the beginning of June my lease was up for my house that I lived In for two years. I was scrambling to find a new house and the more I looked, the more it felt like everything was collapsing. I couldn’t find a place because I didn’t know what I could afford. I don’t know what I could afford because I don’t know what job I want. I don’t want this job because it makes me unhappy. It felt like a vortex of unhappiness that all boiled down to the question “what am I gonna do with my life???” I stressed myself out for weeks house hunting and every place just never felt right. That’s when I decided to just move home to my moms house for a while and just solve this problem short term just until I figure out my next move. After moving home, I felt a huge relief already. Yeah I was super disappointed in myself for having to move home at 25 but if my mom was willing to take me in and let me stay free of rent then that’s a win for me. as days passed and I was feeling better about not having the pressure of money get to me as badly, I felt a huge weight lift off my shoulders and I thought a bit more clearly. I realized that if just a tiny step could make such a difference in the way I felt, then maybe I could take another little step.
I later started to open my mind to exploring other things. I knew that I’ve always been creative, I love art, and I love engaging with people, networking, and surrounding myself with likeminded people who share the same love. I took little things like picking up my camera and taking more pics, I decided to blog more, I made time for exercising, i read often, I just did any little thing I enjoyed doing and just did it. The more I did that, the more unfolded for me like hmm maybe I can actually make this into something more than a hobby.
That’s when I decided, I need to change my work situation. I woke up one morning in the worst mood, unmotivated to go to work and i told myself I wanted to quit. When I tell myself I’m gonna do something, it’s hard to talk myself out of that. So I texted a few friends and told them “I’m about to make a really hasty and rash decision, is this a good idea” a lot of them came back to me and just said “if you’re unhappy, then yes do it” and it sounded so easy. I’m like yeah, why can’t I just make it that easy. So I put more thought and was like okay, maybe I shouldn’t quit cold turkey but just adjust so that I can still have an income while pursuing something I enjoy. So I emailed my boss and said that I wanted to work part time in the fall. Just from that one move, I felt a huge weight lift. I felt amazing just taking a step towards what I wanted. I decided that ya know what, I know I’ll be okay. But I’ll never truly know what I want to do if I don’t just explore and do it.
For so long I continued looking for short term happinesses or the next time I could get away from my unhappiness. But it never truly resolved anything and I came back it the same routine and misery.
Currently, I found an opportunity to work for a friend on his Instagram as a social media strategist and I’ve just been able to be creative, work with great people, and bring new exciting ideas to the table. It’s been super hard to balance my time with clients and commuting along with other adult stuff but it’s been rewarding already to feel like I’m making a change in my life.
I know this is only the beginning but I’ve learned that when your mind is made up about something, you should just go with it because there’s no changing that when it’s your gut.